Archive Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

(Gamecube review)


Turtle soup, anyone?



For a sec there, I thought the game had crashed.



I'm hip, I'm happening, and that's why I know that the Turtles are now officially back! Yes that's right those 80's icons are now well and truly popular once more. And as soon as the money men get even the slightest hint of this type of thing they act! A game is made, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be precise.

So with a new slap of paint and a tv show series on the air the green things seem to be running the show once more. TMNT stinks of something pretty damn obvious when played. I decided to give it a spin, you see I own a Gamecube and really am desperate for a "good" Gamecube game which doesn't boast monkeys, Mario, or strange silver things. Also, for the record, I kind of dig Ninja Turtles.

So what does TMNT smell of? It smells of that old chestnut... being rushed in order to meet a deadline which corresponds to the release of the new series. The thing is though this game does not just seem rushed in terms of ,"it could have been good if...", it is just a terrible game anyway. So let's begin. So some rat finds some turtles. This rat trains them up to Ninja status. This comes when they reach teenage years. It is clear their destined for hero status. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is born! And so is this outrageous game. It's a side scrolling beat-em-up Final Fight style. There are also two arcade games.

The graphics are stylised cel-shading. Enough said then. The sound is just a mix of striking punch impacts effects and Mr. Han on the Casio Keyboard. He really works overtime that guy. The levels consist of walking sideways. From left to right to be more precise. One day a game will go outlandish and go for a - from right to left style side scroller but not today. But in this game you can also move vertically downward and upward. Sad isn't it? Excuse me whilst I yawn and fail to smile in surprise at this one. So could you in Streets of Rage One and Golden Axe! 1985 kind of was the year this became a "feature" to a game. Deep breath... It's 2003! You don't advertise this as a game "feature" in a bullet point on the back of the box, you just don't do it, period.

The other thing is that the levels are as linear as Final Fight. Straight lines. Sometimes the action is cut up by a cartoon cutscene. These are actually pretty good though. There are also in-engine story scenes. Not quite so good, but still acceptable. The four turtles whose names I can't be bothered to remember each play uniquely. This is something other games based on multiple characters often forget. Charlie's Angels was comical. Each turtle has a different weapon and it all goes back to which one you like the best. They're armed with a very simplistic range of attacks, including sweeps, dashes, and the basic light attack so the actual weapon is the only true difference, and the color of the head band. I got annoyed when playing this because the block button wasn't obvious to suss. Like any true gamer I paused the game and resorted to the manual. On a side note I would like to see a section of this site devoted to the reviewing of "game manuals" since the standard has really got slacky nowadays. Don't think us gamers ain't noticed! Anyway after hunting for the control I discovered, to my horror, that this game actually does not have a block button. You can't block!

This meant one thing. As the enemy number builds up on screen you get mashed. The actual amount can build up in this game to a high number which would be cool... if you could actually prevail without button mashing to the point where your hands internally bleed and you can no longer feel your index fingers. Recieving too many cheap hits from being surrounded by enemies grows increasingly frustrating. So no block, only a few basic moves, and simple weapon attacks, is the sum of TMNT. Not quite. There are also ninja stars littered throughout the levels that the turtles can use directly on enemies, as well as barrels full of oil for explosions. I don’t quite understand the theory behind making every tin can you slash open a combustible bomb, but for some reason every button-masher sticks to this tried and true rule.

This really is a button mashers game. I am actually beginning to think that the Gamecube on a whole is the button mashers console, with titles like this, Super Smash Bros Melee, Super Monkey Ball 1 + 2, etc. The enemy you face has no A.I. They move towards you and once close enough they apply one or two differing punch/kick attacks. The difficultly in this game is not from this but from recieving cheap hits from this when the enemy number is vast. This game incorporates the typical foray of baddies. Your're encounter punks, punks, punks, punks, etc. Sometimes a big robot will appear which is odd since a) why would a big robot be in the vicinity (who put it there?) b) punks really make big robots? The enemies will actually randomly appear too. This is so tedious. They just appear from thin air like some crap game - TMNT appeared from nowhere too. Even in Final Fight you knew one thing; you could always rely on the knowledge that your enemy would approach from the right. Now in Streets of Rage things got a little more complicated. Enemies would actually come from the left too, which was strange since you'd just been there and killed everyone but hey. Sometimes they would even come from the.... top! But not bottom. This was obviously the result of overly ambitious programming.

The only argument this game has to justify it's existence is that it was actually going for the "dated, retro feel". There is a thin line between the stylised and the crap. This game is crap. Trust me. You do get a two player co-op mode though but no four player mode! Time to go to school Konami....

Day One: Lesson One

- There are four turtles...1...2...3...4. 4 is the number and the number is 4.

- 4 players can only be the number which control 4 turtles.

- 2 is way out, as is 5.


3 hit combo! Steaming.....


Why no four player? How annoying is that for turtles fans with more than 2 friends? I mean, Jesus. So the only other thing is the arcade modes. One is a versus battle. Player vs. Player. Shame that the games control system is completely unsuited for vs. style combat, with no block system, and button mashing tendencies. Apparently there is a second mini-game but I'm guessing it has to be unlocked since I personally couldn't find it.

The graphics may seem suitable for the game style but the "Pow", "Boof", and "Oomph" pop-up words really do not. It gives the game the 60's Batman show style which it downright shouldn't have. This was probably put in to hide the poor animation when enemies recieve a blow no doubt though.

So the game is bad, the graphics are just bog standard cel-shading, and the sound is... generic. Have fun, kids!



Summary



Pros

Apparently people like cel-shading? Some good cutscenes, two player.

Cons

I can't believe I put "two player" as a pro in 2003! Bad game, no block! Weak sound, no four player!

5.1/10

Teenage Generic Zero Turtles



by Mojo Jojo 2003

Archive Review: Kung-Fu Chaos

(Xbox Review)

What? Who dares stand before my drunken tiger mantis fist style? It looks like a challenger created by Microsoft named Kung-Fu Chaos! How dare this spawn of programming challenge me! He who hatheth conquered Karate Champ. The very same warrior who slammed Yi-Ar Kung-Fu! So it is Microsoft with the latest in 70's Kung-Fu style retro stomping action with great characters, great music, great gameplay and multiplayer heaven? I accept the challenge!


"Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting!"


Anyone remember the 1970's? Amongst the political sleaze, strange architecture, deranged gray suits with pink ties and other terrifying fashion, oh and this, there was little to shout about. Computer gaming was a mere abstract concept with little thought. It lived in a World of dreams in the minds of the more creative. This was way before the days of the Sinclair Spectrum with its impressive 48k of ram.

But one thing that was kicking - literally - was the Kung-Fu scene. The glory days of Enter the Dragon and Chinese Super Ninja (which is not to be mistaken with Super Chinese Ninja) were at hand. Chuck Norris had his beard, and no-one messed with this bad ass moffo master

Director Shao Ting, the legend, of course, has gathered a collection of cheeky, happy, clappy, mostly jappy type fellows and fellowesses to his studio to star in his upcoming Kung-Fu flick. This is the story but it actually bogs down to you facing off the other warriors and evil ninjas in a series of duels, bundles, and brawls. You see in the 70's they had no CGI or means to "fake" the action. Well they didn't if you believe the games story for in this the reason you fight is because real fighting is the only way to make an action movie, apparently. Who are we to argue?

The basic premise to this game is good old fashioned fighting. You select one of the characters who each possess a unique style and play quite differently. There's the Lone Wolf and Cub duo, Chop & Styx, Cleopatra Jones' long lost sista, Lucy Cannon, Monkey (the Monkey God) and a variety of others. The only missing battlers from this bunch is a Drunken Master and Shaolin Slammer - which is quite a shame really. The levels you play on mostly consist, in single player, of having to flaw as many assailants as you can in the given time. But there are many novelty style game types, including saving the stuntman, dodging the seals, avoiding the cows which are being hurled at you from above - fun. The basic system is based on stars. You have 5 star slots and the fight begins with 0 stars. To gain them you quite simply have to kill baddies. The more you kill the better. You need at least 3 stars to pass any given stage.

The amazing and first thing you will be struck by in this game is the soundtrack. You have the classic Kung-Fu fighting Carl Douglas style, the infamous Enter the Dragon theme music, and if these get boring why not rip your own music onto the Xbox hard drive and create your own soundtrack! Finally games developers are getting the idea and actually adding this feature! Then again, this is a Microsoft title so therefore it would be a joke for them not to include it really.

Where this game shines is the multiplayer. In "battle" mode you can take on your pals or the computer in single player without the hindrance of an actual objective. What makes this great for multiplayer is the record feature. You can play back your fights but not only this, you can edit the footage in a vast and powerful number of ways from zooming in, changing the camera angles, even creating slow-motion "Matrix" style effects and save your fondest mayhem memories :)

Multiplayer bone crunching action is not limited to a simple "last man standing" wins affair. There are a number of comical and wacky game types. Why not play style mode where the winner is the one who pulls off the most varied types of moves? Try Mojo mission where the winner is the player who keeps their "Mojo" for the longest time. Then comes wooden man. He who wineth the duel is he who claims the most men carved from wood. Bizarre yet oddly reminiscent of the 70's.

You get a training mode too and this acts like your standard move sparing system. So what is the fighting style like in Kung Fu Chaos? I compare the fighting system in this game to Bowling. Seems simple, is easy to understand, but requires a wise warrior to master. It is more complex than it seems. You get basic punch/kick action with abilities to string vast numbers of combination attacks. The combo system is fun and the amount of stringed attacks really is colossal with each character boasting unique moves and combi's. If you perform three successful taunts during a fight then you can perform special moves. This special move will crush the enemy and turn any poor receiver into a dark red stain on the level texture. Not quite Ricky-Oh, but a harsh lesson in martial arts, old school style.

With such a basic, yet tough to master, style to the game Kung Fu Chaos can, and does, often turn into a button-mashing clash of egotistic gamers. Many a time have I and my larger-than-life buddies fought savagely to be the first to get the special move. The fights often turn into "first to get the special move wins" affairs. This game is exactly what it looks like - Super Smash Bro's Melee but without the mental items and Mario.

If your a fan of Smash Bro's style unlocking gameplay Kung Fu Chaos will tease you with a huge amount to set free. Costumes, modes, levels, options, and even a character are there for the taking. The question is, will you be able to see the path and walk it? Will you prevail in the cruel world of 1970's-old-school-wise-old-man-mystery-martial-arts?

One thing I got annoyed with, and so have many others to my knowledge, is the Director character Shao Ting. He is a really, really, annoying character with a loud, obnoxious voice and just get's on my nerves big time. He is also stupid and really tedious. But, alas, you can mute the fool and even turn off his entire basis of existence - disable "direction". I am not sure if you can kill him. I have a feeling it is possible but would require a black-belt of skill.

This game should appeal to two types: People who dig the era this games portrays and who enjoy a light hearted approach to martial arts brawling, and those of us that enjoy the Smash. Bro's style gameplay of extras to unlock and wacky level design. On a whole I really enjoyed this game. If you want a solid multiplayer title look no further than Kung Fu Chaos.

It has a solid feel, solid graphics with a good frame rate and attractive colors, and it also boasts great music and awesome sound effects. That "old school" feeling was never more prominent than when hearing the classic bad dubbing, overly loud thuds, and crazy "Hey-Ya's" of the 70's. This game includes all of this retro sound.

Just call me The Big Boss.


Indeed a worthy opponent



Summary



Pros

Strong Kung-Fu action, many game modes, lots to unlock.

Cons

No Drunken Master, button mashing tendencies, can you spell depth?

8.9/10

Good old arcade style, 70's inspired, innocent fun


by Joey T 2003

Archive Review: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six 3: Raven Shield

(PC review)

It's not that I love guns, I just want one. One of the key reasons to why so many games nowadays are being made with vast inventories of weaponry is because the guys with the brains know that us gamers, well most of us, want to see guns in our games. As Neo intelligently, and quite philosophically, put in "The Matrix" when asked what he needed: "Guns, lots of guns". What words...


Tom Clancy's Rainbow six 3: Raven Shield (a name in serious need of editing) offers guns, infact it offers lots of... guns. 57 in total, but this does not account for the modifications of each gun. You can add silencers, extent the magazines size (even for pistols), or attach a mini-scope if you so desire. Each one of these add-ons comes in different forms, like with scopes you can go for a simple 4x lense or if you prefer it have night vision - even thermal vision! With this aspect in mind Raven Shield actually has something nearer 150 weapons! Insane. This does not include gadgets either, or different armour types. Nor does it include the different types of ammunition each gun has which you must also select. The great thing here is that each type of ammo really does make a difference to the performance of your firearm. Your ammo decision can mean the difference between life and death. FMJ rounds (Full Metal Jacket) will drive their way through anything when fired from a powerful gun, including body armour. But these rounds will hit your target and simply go straight through him/her. This will mean that they will obtain less injury, and may well still have enough strength to fire back at you. So only use these rounds when you know your enemy will be wearing body armour, because it will penetrate it. On the other hand, if your up against a bunch of freedom fighters who fancy their chances against your elite posse' then insert some JHP rounds into your boom stick. JHP (Jacketed Hollow Point) rounds expand on impact to the size of a football, terrible against anything except human flesh. They are alot more lethal than FMJ rounds against un-armoured tangoes. The physics for death animations in this game are the best ever created. It incorporates the new "Karma" physics system which came from Unreal 2. This basically creates a rag doll effect on player models so death animations are not so much programmed in as they are completely and utterly natural and always unique. Bodies will fall down staircases in total realism without any clipping issues. It's a mark of the next gen that's for sure. One sad note is that RS has blood but not on player models. Blood pools will build up under dead bodies and even mark the walls behind a struck foe but you see no impact marks on the bodies. Even Rogue Spear, the previous game in the series, had this in. I feel it simply is lacking in RS and for no obvious reason.

It's detail like this that RS is all about. The Tom Clancy games series has always boasted content and a challenge but no title has ever come close to RS.



Yeah yeah yeah, how does it play?



This game, incase you don't know, is an FPS. It's based on strategy rather than simply playing pre-scripted levels. In RS you plan the mission, right down from selecting your squad members to kitting them up and setting waypoints. This is all very cool stuff but the great thing is you don't actually have to do any of it. By default the game creates a plan for you to use and if your like me and simply want to get into the action and use your brains once inserted then this games allows for it. As I have already stated the actual equiptment selection for this game is insanely large. Any gun you can imagine is here, anything (unless your some gun expert freak guy). What really appeals to me about this feature is that when in multiplayer games the chances of someone using the same gun as you are slim! Someone may well have the actual gun your slinging, but do they have the extended mag and FMJ rounds? No, their using a silencer with JHP. I sound geekish I know, but it just feels so cool knowing that each player on either side has a unique gun configuration - unlike a game like Counter-Strike where you either have an AK-47, M4, or AWP, the rest is cack.

Q himself would be proud of the gadgets in this game. Anything from lock picks to breaching charges exist. The amount of tactics this implies for multiplayer is beyond imagination. You can snipe, set C4 charges, simply assault all guns blazing, use a heartbeat sensor and detect where everyone is, hell you can even blind everyone with a mad array of flashbangs and smoke grenades (which unlike most games will stay for ages). Why not put on a gas mask and lob a series of gas grenades around, ha, that'll do it! A great feature in this game is the door opening system. Most games, well every other FPS to date actually, does not incorporate any such system. You see a door, you open a door. In RS door opening is a skill that requires practice. You approach a door and have a choice: simply press the action key and open the door fast, or use your mouse wheel to manually slowly crank that door open. You can open it just a tiny bit to get a sneak peek of the room, or you can open it just enough to hurl a frag grenade in and then quickly close the door back. Bang! Then you open it fully and storm the room, which will probably be filled with dead bodies. But the best aspect is not this. The neatest, coolest, part of this system is the way you can use your smoke grenades. If you chuck one down just by the front of a closed door the smoke will go through the doorway gaps and fill the room up! Then you charge in with full smoke cover. This works in multiplayer games very well too, and gas grenades can also be used in the same way.

The single player in this game consists of 15 levels. Each level can be played over in various different modes such as lone wolf where you are placed on the map and have to make it to a waypoint on the other edge of the map. Sounds simple enough... but that waypoint and you are separated by anything up to 45 bad guys, mostly with Russian accents. So is the AI any good? When set for high difficulty settings the enemy in this game will put up a bloody good fight (did you get it? I used the word "bloody" heh). They will run after you, run away, strafe shoot, throw grenades, even call for backup which actually will arrive. The other aspect you must remember is that they have as much health as you, in most other FPS games the player is advantaged because they have a health bar and the enemy don't. Well in RS there is no advantage so each enemy tango must be treated as a worthy adversary. This good AI does not fall short when it comes to your teammates either. Many a time have my computer controlled squaddies saved my life whether it be because I couldn't be bothered to check a room before entering and they could or due to an enemy tango pinning me down and my team taking that tango out. In other words, they help which is all we can expect from them. Will they make you a cup of tea during moments of reflective silence? No. Will they tell you to stop so they can adjust your helmet strap (because they really are truly concerned for you) ? No!


Multiplayer


Online RS is a little gem. It sparkles, no really I've seen it. At night, the box, it, it talks to me. Really it does. Anyway multiplayer consists of either your standard team versus team affair, last team standing. As well as this you can do co-operative mode which is where the game truly shines. An 8 player team can either play out one of the games missions together, including all the sub variations like Lone Wolf mode. The best variation, and the simplest, is simply a Terrorist Hunt. Your team must hunt down all of the terrorists on the map. The server can decide how many terrorists there are, and also their difficulty setting. The funnest servers host the cruel "45 Elite" settings. This is basically 45 terrorists all set for maximum difficulty! Even when all 8 players are amazing and work in a tight team this setting is tough, very damn tough. You grow to hate your enemy. If a squadmate dies you are fuelled by anger because you then know that you need to kill even more of them for the team to stand a chance. It's all a matter of ratio.



Graphics and Sound



What can I say? This game is next-gen. It is so next generation that you feel like you have travelled in time when you play it. The graphics engine is based on the Unreal Warfare one but is heavily modified. Player models don't let the side down either, even the very guns themselves are highly detailed. Cartridges will hit the ground and stay there, and one of the neatest features is the way you can see what everyone is carrying. This is not just a bunch of grenades and a pistol modelled on the player models, it's what that player is equipt with. If there are no grenades on his belt, he has no grenades. If there is one, that player has one remaining. Sound is also equally good. Each weapon has it's own unique effect, gunfire echoes around the corridors of indoor maps in a way that intensifies the immersion to a new hight. And one great aspect of most Tom Clancy games is the music! A game with good music! The dramatic score to RS is great as is the menu music, well done lads, well done.



Summary



Pros

Guns, lots of guns, a real challenge, good AI, great multiplayer, guns, lots of guns.



Cons

A few more missions would have been nice, no bullet impact marks on bodies, so many guns you forget which one you liked!

9.0/10

If you like FPS games, buy it



by The Critical Alien
© 2003

Archive Review: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

(Note: The long gone contributor who submitted this review went off on a rant after the review. I have included it in this blog transfer for all to see! admin)

(Xbox, Gamecube, PS2 Review)


On the offensive



Shiny blue light's just don't impress me anymore



Right, listen up. This is not a normal review. I have officially now entered some new territory. The days of giving games reviews impartially are over now. This is because developers are beginning to take the piss. In a nutshell, and trust me, a nutshell is all this game deserves, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is yet another example of an absolutely appalling computer game produced by a publisher with more financial muscle than the entire continent of Africa.

This is a serious look into what is now happening in the gaming community. It is parallel to what is happening in Hollywood and even Global Politics. Everything is getting slacky, cheap, sexed up, yet it is lacking, hollow, and dry. What is happening nowadays is quite simple to understand. It is based on a premise; that which we can get away with is that which we do. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is the latest in a line of titles that has come out and been promoted in the big "Hollywood" way, marketed to the point of genius in cinemas, on the television, and in magazine, and is, after all is said and done, completely atrocious.

Before I really get into my aim's and agenda in doing this I will briefly sum up and review this debacle. It is a Harry Potter gamed based on an RPG style world. You play in a third person view as Harry. The only reason I decided to try this out was due to my intuitive feelings about it likely being bad. I am currently on a deep investigative journey into the depths of the big players in the gaming world. I am going beyond the "veil" of what we see on mainstream websites, magazines, and television and entering the true world of what is going on. EA has currently been the focus of my studies. This vast and powerful publisher of computer games has always produced varied games. It use to bring to the table great games, but these were in the days when gaming was pure... now it has cashed out. EA publish junk. Games that are lacking in every way and totally contradict where interactive technology should be aiming to reach now we are in the 21st Century. EA bully developers into rushing titles and letting them "add the polish" just so they can get in on the market trends. Big, and talented developers are not so easy to control so EA rarely use them but trust me when I say that publishers control the gaming world, not the talented ones - developers.

Review Mode - (Enabled)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is no laughing matter. Children will demand and crave this £39.99 ($50) game and parents will pay for it in the hope it will please their children. Not even the young fans of the movie franchise will fall for this game though. It is Mcdonalds food for the consoles, fast, streamlined, produced on the production lines of false creativity. This game is the sum of a formula. EA's briefing to the programmers would likely have resembled this:

"We need a game of the latest movie. Make it quickly for the tie in of the DVD release and make sure you include platforming, impressions of character advancement, boss fights, lots of cut-scenes, and dialogue. Also add a story - it needs to be quick, and don't worry about A.I or anything like that, we don't want anything more than the shell of a game. Remember to use our acknowledged graphics engine for the visuals too, don't try to tweak it either - just focus on cut-scenes..."

Obviously this is not likely how the wording went but you get my point, I hope. This game is what I hope you can imagine, just read our other reviews on this site. This is another "frisbee" yes, but it's a "frisbee with a purpose". Crap games aren't made nowadays - they are designed. Programmers don't generally think they have made a "good" game here, they "know" what it is, and know why they've done it - money. Money. MONEY. MONEY.

The game is an odd one. On the one hand it's very easy but you will occasionally be really challenged by the odd boss, or troll. Most enemies are easy to kill, with magic spells you slowly begin to learn. I am of the opinion that this is actually the result of lackluster play testing. If this game is aimed at kids then kids won't have the incentive to try, and try again, when it comes to killing a troll. I am quite the pro gamer and seriously, I was getting really annoyed with how hard it was to kill things so early on in the game. I know this sounds really bad of me and against the statement this website boasts about "in depth and unbiased" reviews but the Alien wrote all that, not me :) And the fact now is, times have changed. I will not go into this game and give detail of it, I honestly don't have the will to.


At one point you come across the character Percy. He is another example of the games bug of difficulty. Percy was so hard to defeat that I am guessing that not many people will ever pass him. Isn't it funny how something this important to a game which currently sits in store shelves is just left in a game without any comment from EA. This is a Zelda-clone adventure game. It plays like the latest Zelda game with stealth elements, platforming elements, and of course combat elements. Let me sum up these elements; stealth element - lacking. Platforming elements - very boring. Combat elements - either too easy or bordering on impossible / not play tested.

This game has some nice features. Harry has to brew his own health points and store them. Whenever you need to get health you must go get them if you have run out. This was good. As well as this the actual movement options you have are varied and make sense. It's just a shame that the game crashes almost as much as Survivor, terrain often vanishes, your character occasionally falls through textures, audio cuts out entirely, and the games camera makes about as much sense as the end of the Matrix Revolutions (which, for reference, actually didn't make sense in the intellectual meaning of the word). Did I mention about the camera? You can't control it but neither can the programming. It's just left to the God's it would seem. It wonders, no it completely randomly positions in angles that make the view seem like some Esther painting.

By the way, my list of bugs has yet to end. As you move around you often find yourself constantly near the edge of a long, dark, drop into "game over" territory. One twitch of the analogue stick and your dead. This works in parts of games, not the whole dame thing! The graphics are also quite hideous. The PS2 version is the worst, yet the Xbox and Gamecube versions are hardly that much better. The cut-scenes are also terrible. They come so often that you begin to wonder if your playing a game or interacting with a DVD. They are badly synched, un-edited, and in all intensive purposes, shite.

Voice acting is borderline comedy. Dumbledore’s actor sounds like an older, wiser Towely from Southpark for example. Other voices include one that can only be described as what it would sound like if Bill Murray begun murmuring down a plastic tube whilst being tickled from behind. By the way, that wasn't the instant image that came into my head upon hearing the voice...

Look, I really don't know what to say here. This game is so low it hurts my balls. Whenever you see a troll in this game the thought that enters your head is "oh no, not another one of those F*CKING trolls" and this anger is never a good thing. Bear in mind you can't control the camera; you also can't aim manually at enemies. Enter.. auto-targeting. The list of gaming's shoddiest features has always been:

1) Linear, scripted "interactivity"

2) False choices.

3) Auto-targeting.

4)Lack of camera control.

5) Invisible walls

My list is a lot longer but these are the entries in that list that apply to this title. I am not a Harry Potter freak so don't know the story that well, nor do I want to. For the record J.K Rowling based her books on a Russian story about a Satanic magician and his young apprentice. I don't pretend to get the connotations this game has to the story. This sort of thing don't make a game. Review mode really is concluded for me now. The game is garbage and only the most manipulated, dumb, and ignorant of life forms will disagree with me.


Summary



Pros

A few moments of slight interest, charged at $10 per second.

Cons

(See above: the entire Review)

0.8/10

Oh so very, very, terrible.

My little Rant (continued)



Harry Potter is just an example of the modern day trend we now see in gaming. Don't get me wrong, many good games are still being made, but virtually all of them are lacking in so many ways. Reviewers out there seem completely unable to understand this. They just give them a swift review and move on. I cannot do this. I realized something quite major was afoot. I did a little research...



I spoke to The Critical Alien on MSN recently about this and he agreed; there is without a doubt a conspiracy regarding modern games development. Instead of advancement we are now seeing the devolution of ideas and basing games on formulas. As the big players get bigger this will become more and more unstoppable. This is not the paranoid rants of a few people, it's obvious. I use to live in Japan, I'm now back in the States. When I was in Japan I taught English and had little free time to do much else but what I did do once was speak to a bunch of programmers in a bar. They worked for some small time developer but one which has produced many games that are mostly out in Japan. They all insisted that games development, even in Japan, has now become such a big business that only a few top people call the shots. Games are only published if they meet criteria, and criteria is set by top players. EA, although not so prominent in Asia, is pretty on top of things right now. Another big player is Eidos, although not so big. Microsoft also is prominent but not so much in the gaming world (more in every other world). EA is the real baddie here. EA is so big not even the likes of Nintendo, Sega, Konami, Namco, and other big Japanese names can rival it. You see EA is the Corporate American sleaze.

I can't go ultra deep here, nor would you want me to, but I want to emphasize to you that games as bad as the above are not just "bad games". EA "know" the game is bad. So why does it con us so? Money. I use to really enjoy reviewing bad games until I realized they were bad for a purpose. I thought I was simply showing crap for what it was. What I didn't realize was that this crap knew it was crap so in that respect my words were a waste of time - the publishers didn't care an ounce. Consumerism is not a movement, or a philosophy, or a way of life, it is the worlds new mental disorder and there is an epidemic. People "will" buy this game and people will not complain. People will buy this game because they are fooled by advertising. This is all just so corrupt I felt compelled to say it.

Terminator 3 is a prime example, and the Alien identified what I am saying in his review of it. When will we wake up! Now I am back in the States (Japan proved to be nothing more than the West with neon lights and I felt I'd seen enough) I can see this mindset people have nowadays. People are beginning to become docile, stupid, and games like this just come out and are accepted! On the links section of this site the Alien has placed a link to www.davidicke.com At first I laughed at this and told him it was a bad idea to link it but after looking at it, and thinking about what I have been saying, I'm beginning to actually believe that there is so much more to it all than that which we are being told. I know this is just a games review but to ignore the deeper reality to why this crap game was made is to write a bad review. EA knew this game was crap, they knew it would sell, they knew this would make money fast. Games like this are unforgivable. Take what I've said here as you will, it's all just my opinion after all. Over and Out.


by Joey T 2003