Tuesday 1 April 2003

Archive Review: Tao Feng: Fist of the Lotus

(Xbox review)

Ever wanted a game where the characters actually look like they have been duking it out rather than pillow fighting? Ever wanted a game where the fighters could be wounded or crippled? Well these are two of the things which this title boasts.
The Co-Creator of the Mortal Kombat series, John Tobias, created Tao Feng, In the MK games after the end of the match you could rip or humiliate your opponent with a fatality, this hadn’t been done before. The MK games distinguished themselves on the 16bit machines having darker and more realistic characters and more violence. The most recent MK games in my opinion have been quite lack lustre so at first glance I wasn’t sure if this was something to boast too much about.
The story of Tao Feng is based around two warring clans: the Pale Lotus (The Good guys) and the Black Mantis (Not so good guys). Each clan has 6 warriors each with a varying style of combat. In the “Quest mode” each fighter of a sect has to collect a piece of an artefact which when taken to the North pole (God knows how they got there) grants them access to meet an Immortal enemy.


Round one!


I’ll start with the most important thing about this title, the fighting system it boasts about. The buttons are familiar enough - two buttons for punch, two buttons for kick, hold back for block. Each char has two alternate stances three types of throws and Chi move, which I will explain. Right, down to business. My first main bug with this game was the limb damage system. The fact that I had been waiting for a game to do this well maybe added even more disappointment on how this was done. This is how the system works: Fighter A attacks fighter B who is blocking A’s attacks, B gets a warning saying “Limb Damage” and after this if B gets hit without blocking he will fall to the floor and a cut scene will occur. In this cut scene either B’s arms or legs will be damaged. This Cut scene totally interrupts the flow of the fight, which I found very annoying. The fight will then carry on with a huge notice saying punches reduced 50% which I thought was quite ugly. Just to make this more annoying they can still punch or kick even string a combo together even though the limb is supposed to be damaged? And the 50% reductions are pretty unnoticeable. In this game attacks and combo’s that you pull off raise your Chi meter, which you can use to heal your damaged limbs, or you can perform a Chi attack. Each char has 3 different attacks some of the effects on these moves I have to say are very cool. My problem with this Chi system is that it’s almost like a cheap guaranteed hit although they are weak but all you have to do is press a direction and press the button to pull them off. And the only way to block them is by interrupting the opponent with an attack or your own Chi move.
The next thing that bugged me about the game was the difficulty of pulling off the longer combo’s, it’s practically impossible to pull them off correctly in a fight although the computer can with ease and there is no real way to stop them continuously pounding you which, trust me, gets very frustrating very quickly. Also, I liked the feature of each char having an alternate stance, sounds good doesn’t it? But! It’s practically impossible to pull this off and hit them with the new moves and combos at your disposal in this stance and when you’re knocked to the ground you will go back to your original stance, so after a while I just didn’t bother anymore.


In the levels you can do a jump off wall manoeuvre and also chars can swing round poles with the R button. These were cool at first but it does get frustrating when you’re hit with them as they are quite damaging and also quite cheap. What I will say is that the game play element is a lot better in the versus mode which I suppose it is in any game but due to the A.I being made of all things evil, its nice to fight someone who won’t unleash a 6 hit combo at the drop of a hat. Also this means you can have more fun in the environments rather than being just thrown around them.

The “Quest mode” is basically a glorified arcade mode like any other fighter out there, I say this as each fighter of the enemy sect has a piece of the artefact which when you defeat them you get (No cut scene mind you). You have to do this with each fighter of a sect, which actually becomes very tedious quickly due to the fact that, as there is a problem with the combo system, the fights are sometimes so unfair I pulled them off by pure luck. Due to the fact the computer can pull off the moves at it's disposal with ease they sometimes seem tougher than they really should be. Getting hit by a long combo a few times and not being able to stop it becomes very annoying and this was just on the normal setting. I can play the Tekken’s and Street Fighters on the hardest setting and still beat them but with this game I just got frustrated and couldn’t be bothered with it anymore.


Graphics


What I will say about the game is that the visuals are fantastic; the characters are done very well. Only thing that I found with the chars was that I didn’t have a particular favourite, they aren’t very appealing. One of the best features with this game was that after 6 rounds of fisty cuffs the characters do look like they have had a right beating with cuts, bruises scratches. Let’s just say no one comes out of the fight looking like a winner. Also the level design is very good. Many varied locations with distinctive parts and destructible parts to them. My favourite was the Roof level as half way through the fight it will start to rain. This may seem like a simple feature but it really adds to the fight, making it a bit more dramatic.


Worth buying?


For the first day of playing it I was quite happy with it. I just think overall there isn’t enough to do in it. There is only one unlockable character who is a boss type char as far as I know and lets face it who ever plays as those chars? Who’s ever Bison in Street Fighter or Ogre or whoever the boss is in the Tekken’s? There is one extra stage to unlock. And it’s so hard to get just these two things I didn’t bother. So overall is this worth purchasing I hear you ask? My answer is… No. I think this game is more suited for a rental as you can marvel at the graphics and environments and the versus matches but you will start to get tired of the game, quickly.


Summary



Pros

Very good visuals, good level design, fighters look damaged.

Cons

The fighting system, the difficulty, not much to do besides fight.



5.5/10

Average game, adds nothing to Genre


by theMANwithTHEcheese 2003

Archive Review: Day of Defeat

(PC Review)

The all time classic PC CD-ROM hit Half-Life defined a gamer generation. Ever since it's 1998 release the game has attracted a vast amount of attention from the modding community. Even today this game still has the largest modding community going, with numerous amounts of playable, and free, modifications (mods). The most popular of these, and an absolute classic game in it's own right, is the highly acclaimed counter-terrorism experience that is Counter-Strike. This game has been going now for 4 years and is still as strong as ever, it is one of the most played games online. Counter-Strike formed the basis of what was to become a plethora of new, innovative, mods for the Half-Life engine. Many mods that have appeared over the years have been downright bad but even the most awful have always had their own community of players... even Firearms.

One day, back in 2000, Day of Defeat was announced. This was to be a mod based in World War 2. It was described as "a playable alternative to Counter-Strike". Now this was at a time where you were either playing CS online, or some "alternative" game. But this was for good reason, CS was an amazing game, and still is to an certain extent, and easily the best online shooter available at the time. Day of Defeat came along during this time where the only rival mod to CS was Team Fortress Classic: a very popular alternative.

DoD was initially quite pants. I remember giving it a whirl one day, when I found free time from my busy schedule of CS, CS, and... CS. My reaction to it was hardly positive. It was quite buggy and almost comical. The D - Day map, for example, had a bug where players would randomly spawn into a black room. This room had no exit, and was very dark, you would simply stagger around thinking "huh is this historically accurate?" Once I found myself face to face with a German in this infamous room, where the only exit was to kill yourself via the in-game console command. We looked upon one another with interest, then he shot me. So much for shivalry. Other comical memories included the D - Day map again. I spawned as allied into one of the landing craft only to be shot in the back by a German who camped the boat and killed us as we spawned. Infact, both the landing craft had Germans in them. We couldn't spawn! The Hun really had a tactic here, why didn't they actually do this in World War 2? I might well be writting this review in German right now if it wasn't for the fact they did not see this spark of logic. "Why defend from the bunker, let's go down there, get in the boats and not let them out"! The game seemed very buggy, and as well as this the player models were terrible, and the action seemed too fast paced. Gibbage was the only cool aspect, it was very ott and you would see heads, arms, legs, guts, even a heart, laying around the map very often. I I gave it a spin, then went back to my digital cocaine that was CS.





The make over



In life everything deserves a second chance. DoD had gone down averagely on initial release and seemed doomed to the existence that was life within the CS shadow. Updates for the game were constanly being released, addressing many issues, including the "black room of death", but I still had no intentions of really giving it my attention. That was atleast until they released the mother of all upgrades, DoD 3.0. This was not so much a patch as it was a complete and utter re-make of the game. Everything from the graphics to the menu screen was changed... all for the better. Maps were of a vastly improved design, player models looked good, animation flowed, and the action itself felt surprissingly intense. DoD was finally truly born, and the moment I gave 3.0 a spin I was hooked. Many players flamed the release, arguing it basically was a different game with the same name and they missed their old DoD but many servers still ran the older version and still do to this day and 3.0 attracted so many new players that the CS community felt it.

What really took DoD off the ground at this stage was the addition of an MG class to select. This was the role of the machine gunner, who was equipt with a light machine gun such as an MG-42 for axis or 30. M2 for allied that could be deployed on a bipod onto the terrain. This gave it little recoil and basically created some brilliant new tactics. Teams would have to make sure the MG positions were constanly supplied with ammo (each player in DoD carries an MG ammo box for this purpose). I once found myself literally pummelled with MG ammo crates by an overly enthusiastic team as I lay in a bush with my big gun. Battles in DoD were intense, urban, affairs with fantastic maps such as dod_caen2 that in my opinion represent some of the best map design ever concieved. What makes these maps so good is the sheer amount of looks and crannies, ways to go, and things to discover. This is not so much in terms of interaction with the map but in terms of finding new rooms, new dingy alley ways, new rubble infested attics in the street corner with amazing sniping implications. You really feel like your in some burnt out, bombed up, town or village.





And so, 1.0 jumps in



Day of Defeat now has been updated yet again, to version 1.0. The numbering can get confusing, considering the last version was 3.0 so seems newer! I can't explain the reasoning, all I will say is that they probably set the clock back so to speak to 1.0 due to the fact that this release hails the launch of the retail version of the game. Yes that's right, now you can buy DoD... in a shop. DoD was not the first Half-Life mod to do this, CS went retail due to it's popularity and the fact DoD has now done the same just goes to show how popular it really is. Whether or not either game really is worth the price of retail when you can easily download them is something I'm not going to go into here.

1.0 is very alike to 3.0 - which actually was updated to 3.1 before 1.0 came out but only with minor changes. DoD now has British troops! This is a neat aspect which basically gives us access to even more historically accurate weapons such as the Sten gun, Browning light machine gun, Lee Enfield mk4, and the infamous Mills bomb hand grenade. I would like to add at this stage quite how much attention the DoD team has put into the weaponry in the game. They have not just thrown in a bunch of ww2 era weapons and added stock gun sound effects - coughs - Medal of Honor. They have gone out of their way to create deep realism in this game, from the physics system and particle effects (yes particle effects - in a Half-Life mod!) all the way down to bullet penetration factors and sounds for each weapon. Recoil plays a huge factor in this game, like in CS. You really do have to "learn" your guns and decide which is best for you... and that is not always going to be the sniper rifle! My only gripe with this aspect of the games inventory is the amount of grenades that seem to be thrown around. 9 times out of 10 in this game your death will have been due to grenade spamming. Some classes get 2 grenades, others get 1. Personally, I would just like to see every class get 1 grenade. This would cut down on the nading that goes on and would really improve gameplay. Saying this though, 1.0 is a vast improvement over even 3.1 in this respect. Before this some classes would get "3" grenades, the German "Grenadier" class for example, and the spamming was so bad players would spawn, run to the action, throw their nades then commit suicide - only to do it again, and again... Now the grenade explosion templates are less lethal and smaller which helps, as does the reduction in the grenade amounts.

Another great new feature for 1.0 is the new map system, Now you get an actual view of the full map you are playing on which can be accessed by pressing C or you can have a smaller version in the top right corner of your screen. This shows where all your teammates are, where you are, and also shows grenade icons where both enemy and friendly grenades have been thrown. This is a neat feature that really does save your life! If a nade icon appears by your character icon on the map... run! As well as this all players can now draw on the map and every one else on that players team will see it. This is very damn cool. You can select from pre-defined icons that each represent a different factor and place the icon on map to tell your team. Say you spot an enemy MG-42 (machine gun) position near a window across the street, then you place an MG-42 icon on map where you saw the position and also an arrow representing the gun's direction of fire and warn your team. This really does rock!

The gameplay has improved leaps and bounds since the old days of the game. I have many great battle stories of action I have seen which is always a good sign for a game. Like Battlefield 1942 the objective in DoD is not team deathmatch. The idea is to capture ground, via the taking of flagpoints which are set around the maps. The flag points you hold determine the amount of land your side owns. Once all flags are captured you have officially captured the map! Woohoo! The cheesy victory music plays for the victorious side (the allied jazz track gets very tedious and I changed it to a nice drum'n'bass number). Your captured land also determines where you spawn after death, if you have most flags you will spawn in the middle of the map nearer the action as opposed to your initial spawn point all the way at the start. DoD tried to experiment with this formula in recent updates with a new map type that is more like CS. In this type you only live once, Mr Bond (sorry), and sit it out in spectator mode after you've hit the deck. The objective is different too, on these maps one team has to defend, say a radio room and artillery piece, the other (normally allies) has to attack it and set TnT and blow it up. I, like most of the community, prefer the classic DoD gamestyle and the developers realised this and got rid of the other map types in 1.0. Bye...





Graphics and Sound



At the end of the day, and I hate that cliche', this game is a mod of the ancient Half-Life engine. They have done good in 1.0 however and really have pushed this engine to limits I very much doubt Sierra (Half-Life developers) ever thought concievable. I really like the explosions in DoD 1.0, the way they light up the surrounding textures, very nice stuff. Player models look good, but let's face it: we all know its a HL mod and we all except the graphics for what they are which is nothing special. The sound is impressive, mainly the ambient tracks that create the atmosphere of the map you inhabit. Set the game up on 5.1 speakers and crank up the volume and you will be jumping like a disco king as explosions pound all around you. You hear the distant crackle of gun fire, the booms of a bombing run, the faint sounds of war never seemed so close. All I will say is that the dev team, mostly the map makers, really should have tried harder on the D - Day maps. The sound is basically a loop of Saving Private Ryan with the yells of Tom Hanks scaring everybody. That, and fighting alongside players named "Cpt. Miller", oh and "Private Ryan", and your soon be thinking your in Saving Private Ryan. Infact, I'm surprissed Dreamworks haven't got involved here.



Summary



Pros

Intense action, very immersive, incorporates great teamwork.

Cons

Old Half-Life graphics engine can seem dated at times, too many grenades!


8.6/10

The best things in life are free


by The Critical Alien
© 2003

Archive Review: Charlie's Angels

Let's all welcome Natalie, Dylan, and Alex; Charlie's Angels, my nightmare.

You should now know the score: silly games = interactive reviews. This "interaction" is necessary for our sanity as well as yours. This category of games - "The Survivor wannabes" - deserves, and needs, a more hands-on approach.



What's that? A game!?



Charlie's Angels is yet another example of a movie tie-in computer game based on a bad movie. Alien's formula for such evil's (CM+CS=CG) is once again proven here, but without the crap sequel part. It is quite an unknown fact that CD's actually make really good frisbees. I have quite a collection now. Charlie's Angels, for some reason, doesn't spin quite as well as The Crow The Mummy Returns Survivor: The interactive game George W Bush Tony Blair though, which is quite a shame really. The problem here is I am not actually reviewing frisbees. I am expected to give this Monkey Cabbage Garbage Anal Intruder an actual games review - pretending its a game! Well Blow me! Just kill me! Damn! Jesus H Christ! Sharks!

A very bad man, or set of men, probably with either English or German accents (or maybe they have branched out and gone Oriental), have only gone and done it! Stolen a whole bunch of treasure! *Tuts* This is where Charlie's Angels Step in. get marketed. Die! Are forced into cheap sex.

This claims to be a third person game. Well it actually resembles Final Fight. It's a platformer. You select an angel and punch, kick, block and jump your way along linear straight lines of stunning level design. There are no cool or impressive moves - this game is just like something you would expect to have seen in the late 80s/early 90's. In fact it is Double Dragon crafted for the 21st Century. Hmm, no its just Completely appalling. Comically inept. Lacking. Your face! (don't hit me) The Mummy Returns.

Old faces appear in this junk. It is like a reunion of gaming scum that was luckily mostly wiped from the bathtub of technological advancement. Here we see "invisible walls" - yes their back and meaner than ever!You run along a straight path and dodge a bunch of lame A.I punks then are halted by a stop and go area. You must flaw all the enemy's before you can Proceed. Chew on raw flesh. Hurl Charlie's Angels out of your window. Scream! Say "Watabangoo".

As this puerile pig progresses you can learn a few new combo's and a throw or two but they add nothing and are so easy to perform they feel like default moves. Its enough to make a grown man Cry. Salivate uncontrollably. Scream for "Mummy". Sell his house and move to Siberia. Play The Crow. The publishers advertised an interactive environment. This consists of hitting boxes that are randomly placed in the level to reveal health. Maybe in 1990 this could bode as an "interactive" element, but in 2003 it can just go bode its sorry features to The edge of a high cliff. The dumpster. My mouth. My other prominent hole. Survivor: The interactive games house.

This leads me to another factor. With all their Kung-Fu skill the Angels are able to attack a plethora of innocent people. For some reason the Angels are Disliked Hated Bitterly despised Actually ultra evil and every non-villain wants a piece of them. You get construction workers, French maids, hell even priests, coming at you wanting a piece of the action. Why? Just contact Ubi Soft and ask them. I'm sure there is some feasable explanation... My A$. Thumb. Wallet. Second cousin. Model railway.

Its madness like this that makes Charlie's Angels so distant from any form of story or logic that it actually plays on your mind. Is there some deeper insight into the world here? Do we all really actually hate the good guys and worship The Emperor? During the action you get a health meter, lives, and a bonus meter. This builds up as you rage around the urban sprawl. When it flashes you get "Angel time"! Guess what this consists of? Your answer on a postcard.....

Hi Joey,

"Angel time" in Ubi Soft's Charlie's Angels consists of,

A small rabbit materializing from your angel who ravages any enemy
in the immediate area. The gamers built up anger transforming into a red beam of pure energy
that kills everyone! A free ride on the dodgems? (The answer) - A "Matrix" style slowdown of the action
where you can continue fighting with an advantage. I hate you.

Hope I win! Choi,

"Loser no. 345345"



Okay I am giving this tripe too much review time here. I am going to speed up, hold on. Charlie's Angels allows you to select any of the three girls. Why bother? They all look virtually the same and play identically. The sound, including music, is so poor it should be registered in the UN's list of illegal torture: "Illegal torture number 232:34 - Being subjected to the sounds of Charlie's Angels for more than 30 seconds." The game also turns into pure button mashing. Mash, mash, mash. No skill, no thought, no need!





What the hell is so funny? Oh, your not meant to be laughing...



The creators of this game were probably under some warped impression that the N64 was still top dog. The graphics seem just like the days of Cubist design with weak colors and boxy animation. What I'm trying to tell you is The graphics suck mints. I am Jesus Christ. You are Dr. Evil's love child. There's a sale at pennies. We all have 4 seconds to live. Papa ain't coming home this Christmas.

The cinematic's in Satan's Daughters are okay I guess. There boring though and mostly all set in some sleazy office - Charlie's gaff no doubt squire (Gotta learn England's English if I'm going to write for a UK site).



This is like some really un-promising students programming coursework which he has obviously rushed, after a harsh night out, and thrown together at the last minute. The A.I is so weak The Crow's potentially The Mummy Returns possibly I A Storm Trooper An old wooden spoon could just about rival it at least. (Well maybe not The Crow's A.I.) The graphics suck, the sound is the new Japanese water torture, and my coffee just got cold! Charlie's Angels attempts to achieve virtually nothing and fails to deliver. Another frisbee, yet a bad one at that. Utter, complete, and absolute Rectum discharge. Urinated yellow stuff. Chewy milk. F***ing crap. F***ing S**t, F***ing crap. "@!$@!!%%%$**!*£@'s".


Summary



Pros

Some average cinematic's, errm... did I mention about the cinematic's?

Cons

Backwards graphics, poor sound and music, button mashing, invisible walls, Angel time? Whatever, Someone give Satan a call - its time to get tough on Angels.

0.2/10

A tad up from The Crow and The Mummy Returns, but still complete Trash!

Archive Review: Charlie's Angels

(Please Note: When posted on the original gamesreview site, this review featured drop down selection boxes which are not supported by this blog. I have included every "option" where a box existed. - admin)


(Gamecube review)


Let's all welcome Natalie, Dylan, and Alex; Charlie's Angels, my nightmare.

You should now know the score: silly games = interactive reviews. This "interaction" is necessary for our sanity as well as yours. This category of games - "The Survivor wannabes" - deserves, and needs, a more hands-on approach.



What's that? A game!?



Charlie's Angels is yet another example of a movie tie-in computer game based on a bad movie. Alien's formula for such evil's (CM+CS=CG) is once again proven here, but without the crap sequel part. It is quite an unknown fact that CD's actually make really good frisbees. I have quite a collection now. Charlie's Angels, for some reason, doesn't spin quite as well as The Crow The Mummy Returns Survivor: The interactive game George W Bush Tony Blair though, which is quite a shame really. The problem here is I am not actually reviewing frisbees. I am expected to give this Monkey Cabbage Garbage Anal Intruder an actual games review - pretending its a game! Well Blow me! Just kill me! Damn! Jesus H Christ! Sharks!

A very bad man, or set of men, probably with either English or German accents (or maybe they have branched out and gone Oriental), have only gone and done it! Stolen a whole bunch of treasure! *Tuts* This is where Charlie's Angels Step in. get marketed. Die! Are forced into cheap sex.

This claims to be a third person game. Well it actually resembles Final Fight. It's a platformer. You select an angel and punch, kick, block and jump your way along linear straight lines of stunning level design. There are no cool or impressive moves - this game is just like something you would expect to have seen in the late 80s/early 90's. In fact it is Double Dragon crafted for the 21st Century. Hmm, no its just Completely appalling. Comically inept. Lacking. Your face! (don't hit me) The Mummy Returns.

Old faces appear in this junk. It is like a reunion of gaming scum that was luckily mostly wiped from the bathtub of technological advancement. Here we see "invisible walls" - yes their back and meaner than ever!You run along a straight path and dodge a bunch of lame A.I punks then are halted by a stop and go area. You must flaw all the enemy's before you can Proceed. Chew on raw flesh. Hurl Charlie's Angels out of your window. Scream! Say "Watabangoo".

As this puerile pig progresses you can learn a few new combo's and a throw or two but they add nothing and are so easy to perform they feel like default moves. Its enough to make a grown man Cry. Salivate uncontrollably. Scream for "Mummy". Sell his house and move to Siberia. Play The Crow. The publishers advertised an interactive environment. This consists of hitting boxes that are randomly placed in the level to reveal health. Maybe in 1990 this could bode as an "interactive" element, but in 2003 it can just go bode its sorry features to The edge of a high cliff. The dumpster. My mouth. My other prominent hole. Survivor: The interactive games house.

This leads me to another factor. With all their Kung-Fu skill the Angels are able to attack a plethora of innocent people. For some reason the Angels are Disliked Hated Bitterly despised Actually ultra evil and every non-villain wants a piece of them. You get construction workers, French maids, hell even priests, coming at you wanting a piece of the action. Why? Just contact Ubi Soft and ask them. I'm sure there is some feasable explanation... My A$. Thumb. Wallet. Second cousin. Model railway.

Its madness like this that makes Charlie's Angels so distant from any form of story or logic that it actually plays on your mind. Is there some deeper insight into the world here? Do we all really actually hate the good guys and worship The Emperor? During the action you get a health meter, lives, and a bonus meter. This builds up as you rage around the urban sprawl. When it flashes you get "Angel time"! Guess what this consists of? Your answer on a postcard.....

Hi Joey,

"Angel time" in Ubi Soft's Charlie's Angels consists of,

A small rabbit materializing from your angel who ravages any enemy
in the immediate area. The gamers built up anger transforming into a red beam of pure energy
that kills everyone! A free ride on the dodgems? (The answer) - A "Matrix" style slowdown of the action
where you can continue fighting with an advantage. I hate you.

Hope I win! Choi,

"Loser no. 345345"



Okay I am giving this tripe too much review time here. I am going to speed up, hold on. Charlie's Angels allows you to select any of the three girls. Why bother? They all look virtually the same and play identically. The sound, including music, is so poor it should be registered in the UN's list of illegal torture: "Illegal torture number 232:34 - Being subjected to the sounds of Charlie's Angels for more than 30 seconds." The game also turns into pure button mashing. Mash, mash, mash. No skill, no thought, no need!





What the hell is so funny? Oh, your not meant to be laughing...



The creators of this game were probably under some warped impression that the N64 was still top dog. The graphics seem just like the days of Cubist design with weak colors and boxy animation. What I'm trying to tell you is The graphics suck mints. I am Jesus Christ. You are Dr. Evil's love child. There's a sale at pennies. We all have 4 seconds to live. Papa ain't coming home this Christmas.

The cinematic's in Satan's Daughters are okay I guess. There boring though and mostly all set in some sleazy office - Charlie's gaff no doubt squire (Gotta learn England's English if I'm going to write for a UK site).



This is like some really un-promising students programming coursework which he has obviously rushed, after a harsh night out, and thrown together at the last minute. The A.I is so weak The Crow's potentially The Mummy Returns possibly I A Storm Trooper An old wooden spoon could just about rival it at least. (Well maybe not The Crow's A.I.) The graphics suck, the sound is the new Japanese water torture, and my coffee just got cold! Charlie's Angels attempts to achieve virtually nothing and fails to deliver. Another frisbee, yet a bad one at that. Utter, complete, and absolute Rectum discharge. Urinated yellow stuff. Chewy milk. F***ing crap. F***ing S**t, F***ing crap. "@!$@!!%%%$**!*£@'s".


Summary



Pros

Some average cinematic's, errm... did I mention about the cinematic's?

Cons

Backwards graphics, poor sound and music, button mashing, invisible walls, Angel time? Whatever, Someone give Satan a call - its time to get tough on Angels.

0.2/10

A tad up from The Crow and The Mummy Returns, but still complete Trash!


By Joey T 2003